Holiday Guilt

Yes it's that time of the year. Time for good tidings of joy, happy holidays, Christmas cheer and lots of guilt. I have it every year when I see stocked shelves full of toys and gadgets that will end up under the Christmas tree, freezers at the grocery store full of frozen turkeys for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner and people filling up their carts with candy and cookies. We live in the land of plenty and should be thankful that we have all this. We all work hard every day. We earned this. Nothing to feel guilty about...right?

I walk out of the store and act like I am checking my text messages so I don't have to make eye contact with the guy standing in the cold ringing the Salvation Army bell by the donation kettle. I throw out last nights dinner to make room in the fridge for the leftover turkey, stuffing and sweet potatoes. I'm full but I go get one more piece of pie just because it's a holiday and I can indulge. I do it every year and I am sure many of you do the same things. So, if I just eat one less piece of pie that will help. Maybe if everyone would buy less for Christmas it would help. Oh wait, then sales would go down at stores, hours would be cut, people might lose jobs....sigh. I need an answer.

Maybe I could volunteer at a local shelter and serve meals. Sure, but I am so busy! I just don't have time. I could organize a food drive and collect canned food, but then again I am so very busy. At the very least couldn't I just make sure I always put a dollar in the Salvation Army kettle when I walk by? What if everyone did that? I see people walk by it all the time without doing anything. Just one dollar. One. That would make a huge difference and I wouldn't have to feel guilty, well not AS guilty.

Leftovers. I still waste so much food. What can I do about that? I sure can't save it and give it away. That's just not safe and kind of gross. How about an old coffee can, label it "Leftovers" then every time something gets thrown out of the fridge a dollar goes in it. Each month (yes do this all year long) donate the money to a local food bank, Red Cross or Salvation army. OR you could just go buy a bag of groceries and take it to the local food bank.

Hey, this is pretty simple! It doesn't really take any time and I end up helping. If a lot of us do this think how much it could impact. JUST ONE DOLLAR! So, go to the bank and break a $20 into singles. Then keep them in your coat pocket. Every time you pass a kettle, in goes a dollar. Each month you have a coffee can with change to donate. If you cut back on wasting leftovers then add a little to the can.

There is power in numbers. If just I do this it won't make much of a difference, but if you tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on, and so on... this can help a lot.

While we're on the topic, why not do something to support our troops serving overseas. Here is a website with links to help out.

http://www.military.com/spouse/military-life/military-resources/how-to-support-our-troops.html

Merry Christmas

Gun control

Yes, everyone is talking about it now. Another tragic shooting and people are calling for the banning of guns, or at the very least more control of guns. Now I agree that a world without ANY guns would be great. They are useful but dangerous. Kind of like knives. Knives are very useful but they can kill a person too. Maybe we should ban them as well. What about a pointed stick? OK, this starting to sound like either a Monty Python skit or a George Carlin routine.

"...there are a lot of things you could use to kill a guy. You could probably beat a guy to death with the Sunday New York Times, couldn't you? Suppose you just have really big hands. Couldn't you strangle a flight attendant? Shit, you could probably strangle two of them, one with each hand."  

-George Carlin on airport security

Lets look at this seriously. What happens when you ban something that is harmful to people. Look at alcohol. It is fine if used properly, but it can cause accidents and people die. For 13 years this country banned alcohol. From 1920 to 1933 you couldn't buy a drink anywhere...or could you? If people want something bad enough, criminals will find a way to get it and make money from it. It is said that Prohibition gave birth to organized crime. There were good intentions in banning alcohol but it just didn't work out like planned.

"The reign of tears is over. The slums will soon be a memory. We will turn our prisons into factories and our jails into storehouses and corncribs. Men will walk upright now, women will smile and children will laugh. Hell will be forever for rent."

-Rev. Billy Sunday at the begining of Prohibition.

Crime actually increased during the prohibition era. Homicides, drunk driving and thefts all went up. Crime was booming and criminals supplied what people wanted. Eventually the country realized this wasn't the answer to the problem. Yes, alcohol is still a problem and it still kills people but the only answer is to educate and enforce the existing laws. 

Education! Hey, there's a novel idea. We could teach gun safety in school instead of suspending kids for drawing a picture of a gun or putting toy solders on their skateboards.

Fifth-graders in California who adorned their mortarboards with tiny toy plastic soldiers to support troops in Iraq were forced to cut off their tiny little weapons.

Zero tolerance doesn't work. There are dozens of stories like this of children being sent home  because their mother put a butter knive in their lunchbox, or pointing their fingers at each other during recess in a game of "Cowboys and Aliens" (Apparently that is more politically correct than Cowboys and Indians)

I think we should educate the kids on guns, how they are used and how to be safe. No, don't give them all guns but instead bring in law enforcement officers to talk about guns, how they can be used to protect and defend and how they can be used by criminals to kill innocent people. I also believe we should train and arm some of the teachers or administrators. Maybe then one of the teachers that dies protecting her students ends up being the one that takes out the shooter.

So we have some choices to make. We can ban all guns in the country and just hope that the criminals obey the gun laws. We can just hope that guns won't be coming in from Mexico (nothing ever gets across that border without us knowing) and we can hope that no one will go on a rampage with some other weapon. Or we can teach people to use guns responsibly and arm our schools. Maybe part of the job application of a school principal should be competence on the shooting range. No, I am not saying we should all go around like this is the wild west with guns on our hips, but lets be realistic and understand that guns are not the problem. The problem is the mental illness that makes someone do these terrible things. That is where we need to focus. Lets pay attention and offer help. Lets not ignore that this is a violent world. People were waging war and killing each other without guns for centuries. 

Bottom line is this. Yes, I think we have too many guns. Yes, I think assault weapons are not necessary. A pistol, rifle, shotgun...a lot of people I know have these and are content. They don't need automatic weapons to shoot a deer. However if you take the guns away from the law abiding citizens then only the criminals will have them.

Just my opinion, I could be wrong.

It's time to vote......

If you are reading this you may have come here from Facebook to see what exactly is on my mind. I try to keep politics off that site since I have friends on both sides of the fence and don't feel it's a good forum to offend them on. I prefer to offend people here instead.

Those of you that know my political view know I sit more in the middle. I don't think there is only a left or a right. In every other aspect of life there are usually more than two choices. Why do we only have two when it comes to one of the most important things in our country? Does every single republican have the same view on abortion, or gay marriage or any number of moral hot topics? I seriously doubt it. So having someone as president that "tows the party line" is a bad idea in my opinion. But that brings up another issue. Why should our government even be deciding some of these things? Isn't the reason our Founding Fathers wanted to break away from the Kings rule because of too much government?

"Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have...The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases." - Thomas Jefferson

Now, here is what I think we should base our choices of president on. Economics. Let me explain. I have been working in businesses for years. I have seen profit and loss statements, hired and fired people, watched costs of products go up and down and know what rising taxes and regulations can do to the economy. I used this example to an employee the other day that was preaching the "Make the rich pay their fair share" argument. I presently work for a hardware store that has two locations. The owner works at least 65-70 hours a week. He does a lot of things to cut costs, including fixing his roof and parking lot on his own and plowing his lots when it snows. He is not a rich man, but his business makes him one according to the government. I asked my co-worker what she thought the owner would do if he suddenly had a reduction in taxes and had a lot of cash sitting in the bank. Her reply was that he would probably try to open a third location. I asked what that would do. She said of course that it would create new jobs. YES! The business owners don't stuff their money into mattresses and take it out of the economy, they reinvest it into their companies, expand, spend on new products and the economy grows. Even the very wealthy do this when they have excess "billions" (did my best Dr. Evil finger quotes there) sitting around. If the money is in the bank it funds investments. If they buy frivolous toys like yachts and cars, it pays the salaries of the people that build, sell and fix those things. There are people working at the local marina that benefit when Mr. Bigfatwallet brings a new yacht in.

"Every dollar released from taxation that is spent or invested will help create a new job and a new salary. And these new jobs and new salaries can create other jobs and other salaries and more customers and more growth for an expanding American economy." - John F. Kennedy

I think Kennedy was onto something. He understood basic economics.

“A tax cut means higher family income and higher business profits and a balanced federal budget. Every taxpayer and his family will have more money left over after taxes for a new car, a new home, new conveniences, education and investment. Every businessman can keep a higher percentage of his profits in his cash register or put it to work expanding or improving his business, and as the national income grows, the federal government will ultimately end up with more revenues.”

Now if you are still reading please understand this. I am NOT asking you to vote for Obama or Romney. I am just hoping you have a good understanding of what drives the economy. I think the best choice would be "None Of The Above" like Richard Pryor campaigned in Brewster's Millions.That is not going to happen though. We will end up with one or the other. Just keep in mind that the government does not create jobs. People create jobs. They create them with money. That money gets spent, over and over again. Those dollars generate more and more tax revenue. However there is a delicate balance. (see Laffer Curve)

That's enough from me and I hope I didn't offend anyone too much. Like I said, I don't preach politics, I just know dollars and cents and like everyone I want a little more. 

My new years resolution is to go green!

Today is Christmas Eve. I thought it would be a good time to reflect on the past year, and make my plans for 2009. I know, I am supposed to do this on New Years Eve, but I have some time on my hands and thought I would take care of it now.

The past year we have seen a Presidential Election that made history. It made history because....well, actually I am not sure why. Obama is not the youngest to become president. In fact Bill Clinton was younger when he took office. It's not that he is from Illinois. I recall another president that came from there. You remember him, the father of big government. Honest Abe Lincoln. If everyone is talking about the color of his skin, well that is just a plain silly reason to claim as a first. If we are a nation that elects people based on skin color, hair color, height, weight or any other physical attributes, then we are seriously on the wrong track. I believe that we should elect a president based on experience, character and how well they look behind the podium.

Enough about the election. My main concern is the environment. The global warming really has me scared. In fact, just yesterday as I was shoveling out the driveway after another 4 inches of snow, I decided what my course of action would be for the next year to help out. I will help the "Go Green" movement. What is the best way to do that? Well, the "green" in the environment is the plants. Trees, bushes, grass.... What do all these green plants need to survive? Carbon Dioxide. That's right. Green plants need carbon dioxide to survive, much in the same way that we need oxygen. So, my New Years Resolution will be to do everything I can to increase carbon dioxide emissions. I figure it's the least I can do to help out.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Graduation

We had two sons graduate from high school the past two years. It made me reflect back on my years in school. The one thing I do remember is the ceremony and how dull it was. Someone that I didn't know got up and spoke about it being the crossroads, the time of our life, and how we needed to rise up and meet the challenges ahead....yada yada yada. After thinking about the changes that I encountered, I thought a more realistic speech might be in order.

To the graduates.

You did it. You finished high school. Now you have some decisions to make. Do you keep working, or continue your education? That's the easy part. Here are the difficult things you will have to deal with.

The magic hamper is gone. You know, that basket in the bathroom where you throw your clothes and wet towels and they suddenly reappear a couple days later clean and folded. It is gone. Get used to it. It's very simple to do, just put in the laundry soap, turn the dial and start it up. Oh yeah, start saving your quarters. When you have your own place I can almost guarantee your efficiency apartment won't come with a brand new washer and dryer.

Ants. Yes, that's right, ants. What do ants have to do with graduating from high school? You will soon become acquainted with them. I know because when I moved into my own place I had trouble with the concept of cleaning dishes and wiping the crumbs off of the counter. Dishes were piled up high and you couldn't even use the faucet without knocking down the teetering mound of plates and cereal bowls. The ants will soon find this buffet and will be coming and going at their leisure.

Welcome to AOL. Remember that high speed internet you had at Mom and Dad's? It cost money and you will inevitably try to save a few bucks and get dial up internet service. The two bad things about this are that nothing online works on dial up anymore, and once you subscribe to AOL, it practically takes an act of congress to cancel it!

Tuna fish and ramen noodles. When you are out on your own for the first time you will discover that the vast array of wonderful meals has disappeared. Also, you money supply has somehow shrunk, due to things like rent, utilities, insurance etc.... You will learn how to dress up mac and cheese with some tuna and green peas and discover the joy of buying ramen noodles ten packages for a dollar.

Overall, your life will see some dramatic changes. A lot of them will take time to get used to, but just like everyone else, you will find a way to get by. Just don't forget, now that you are out on your own your parents might actually want you around once in a while. They got used to having you there for 18 years, so it will be an adjustment for them too. You can use this to your advantage by dropping in for a visit, with three loads of laundry. Oh, and make sure you plan to visit around supper time.

Good Luck!

The Day I Sent My Hair Stylist To The Hospital

Haircuts. They are a part of life. As a child the first one is always traumatic. It must have been the thought of going to a strange place and letting a strange man put a big cape around you and put you up in the air in that big chair and start chopping away.

I remember going to the barber shop as a kid. After the initial shock, it was a nice outing on a Saturday afternoon. I remember several times my father took me down to the local barber shop. There were always several people there waiting, plenty of magazines and comic books, and sports on a small black and white television. I think some of the men there went down just to watch the game so they would have some company. Barber shops were kind of like sports bars, except there were no drinks served, and there was hair all over the floor.

As I got older, getting a haircut started to change. Salons for men and women became popular. I went to several different ones, including going to the stylists school so I could get really cheap (and sometimes really bad) haircuts. I went through several different "stylists" as they were now called. Barbers were few and far between. I got used to the idea of going into a place that was fashionably decorated with large pictures of men and women on the wall, showing the latest hair styles. It was hard to find someone that could do a consistent job on my hair, and over the years the amount of hair on my head decreased, so I felt it was important to take care of the ones that were left. Every time I would go to a new place, you had to get comfortable with the person, make small talk, and finally decide that you had found the person that could give you the perfect cut.

My wife and I have been going to the same place for 3 years now. Each time it was like spinning the roulette wheel. Sometimes you would get a good cut, sometimes you wouldn't want to look in the mirror for a week or two. One day I had to hold my wife back from going in with a clippers and attacking the person who had just done her hair. She finally relented, handed me the clippers. The next time we went back she was no longer working there. (Surprise?) This became very exhausting, and eventually I had my haircut by someone that did a very nice job. I was determined to no let anyone else touch my hair. If I went in and she was not working, I just let my hair go a few more days, or weeks. Most times it was a few more weeks. I would eventually walk in, pull the few thin strands from my eyes, and announce that I wanted a haircut, and only from her. I had finally found the perfect stylist. Floyd the barber could not have done a finer job.

Everything was going just fine. I always got the same cut, my beard got trimmed and my wife would always tell me how nice I looked after I got home. Perfection. My thinning hair never looked so good. What could possibly go wrong now?

Today I went in for my very overdue cut. My hair can't really grow long anymore, it just gets poofy and frizzes. I was relieved to find her working, and soon I was getting all trimmed up. We chatted about kids, family, weather...everything was going fine, until....

"Uh oh, got myself. Hmmm, this one looks bad." she said, stopping abruptly. "I'd better get a band-aid for this."

No problem. Just a nick.

"I've never cut myself this bad. I might need stitches." she continued.

Now my head started spinning. I envisioned her getting faint and passing out. Another stylist would have to call 911 and I would sit there with one half of my hair longer than the other. The drama would continue until the paramedics whisked her off to the hospital. I would have to stand there in that funny bib-apron thing filling out police reports and talking to the OSHA rep that would have to be there. After all that, the worst would happen. Someone else would have to finish my haircut. I felt faint. I thought I might pass out.

"This should be ok." I heard her say as she showed me the bandaged finger. I took a deep breath and tried to relax. The haircut continued, and soon I was looking nice and neat. I got up, thanked her, and got my checkbook. As I was writing the check I wondered, how much was I suppose to tip for maiming your stylist?

The Half Eaten Burrito

My wife and I have four boys. They are all old enough to know better, but none of them are old enough to actually take responsibility for it. Life here is a series of drama's. The sock basket was one of my favorites. After washing, drying and folding laundry for 13 1/2 hours on our day off, we would usually give up when we had nothing but socks left. There they were, a huge pile of clean socks, but our minds were so fried from sorting t-shirts and boxer shorts that the socks usually just ended up in one of the laundry baskets. Every morning the drama would start.

"Mom, I need socks."
"Mom, do I have any clean socks?"
Then my favorite question would appear. "Where is the sock basket?"

When the sock basket became a standard term, I determined that the boys would start doing their own laundry from now on. Well, one of these years that will happen, really.

Taxi service. Two of the boys have started driving but only have their permits. Of course, when they got their permits, they had many more errands that needed to be run, under the ruse of being able to be behind the wheel. My wife assured me that this was necessary in order to make them be better drivers. So, after many white knuckle rides and near misses, I can now sit in the passenger seat of the car without gripping the dash so hard that it leaves marks. We do know that revenge will be sweet, when in a couple weeks they will both have their actual licenses, and they will soon tire of running to the store for milk, hamburger, and toilet paper.

That brings up another household drama. Toilet paper. Sure, with 6 people in the house, you are going to go through a lot, but there seems to be a a problem with notifying those that need to know (the parents with the jobs and checkbook) that the last sheet of paper out of the 96 roll package of super soft charmin has been used. Enough said.

Money. Of course there is the money drama. Money for school lunch, money for gum, money for pop, money for the movies, and of course, money for Taco Bell. What would we do without this Mexican extravaganza? This is a favorite place of 2 of the boys, but it cannot be called "fast food". I have never seen anyone special order a 99 cent burrito, but believe me it can be done. The most amazing thing is that I always know if there has been a trip to Taco Bell. The way I can tell is the half eaten burrito in the door of the refrigerator. One of the boys, for some odd reason, no matter how many burritos they get, cannot quite finish them all. There is always that 49 1/2 cents worth of burrito waiting to be thrown away a week later. I am convinced that if they were starving, and had not eaten for a week, and a Taco Bell burrito was offered, it would be eaten ravenously until half consumed. They would then stop and proclaim "I'm full. I think I'll save this for later."

I think I will start putting these half eaten bean creations in the freezer and bring them out at Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see the looks on their faces!

We Need More Boxes

We moved recently. Not a big move, just 10 blocks away. Well, it seems that every move is a big move, since you have to pack everything if you move 2 blocks or 2000 miles. With that said, I discovered one thing about life. Boxes.

When we first decided to move, I made a trip to the local grocery store and looked for boxes. You have to have boxes. Boxes hold everything you own. It all goes in a box. Unfortunately, due to everyone wanting to save Mother Earth, we all recycle. All the boxes that held the ketchup, cheerios and toilet paper all go to the crusher and get transformed into a nice tidy bale, so we can make something like computer paper out of it. We buy this paper because it is "Environmentally Friendly" and print off endless things that we have found on the internet. After we accumulate a pile of this wasted paper, THEN we throw it away.

Lets try the liquor store. No, that comes later, after you move. What I wanted was boxes. Not just any old box, but a box that is strong enough to hold a dozen expensive bottles of aged bourbon. That will be perfect to carry all my coffee mugs in. Luckily, they have saved boxes and allow me to take three. After getting home I try to decide which coffee mugs won't get to make the move, due to the lack of space in only three boxes.

Eventually, I visit every retail store, pharmacy, hospital (the hazardous material boxes get used for the kid's things) and anywhere I see cardboard. During my visits I discover one amazing thing. The Meaning of Life. That's right, I found it. The meaning of life is BOXES! Everything comes in boxes. Food, clothing, every single necessity. Our houses are really big boxes, cars are kind of box shaped and are essentially a container to hold us. The family dog lives in a box. We put our car in a box. Eventually, we end up in a box. Yes, at the final call, all our friends and relatives gather in a church and look at a big wooden box that is our final resting place.

Sigh....

Well, I would love to write more about this topic, really I would, but of course, we are still unpacking our boxes.

Tastes Like Chicken

The other night I got home at midnight from work. I was hungry so I went to the fridge and pulled out some leftover fried chicken. I was savoring each tasty piece. It was absolutely delicious. After I finished I got ready for bed, since it was so late. I promptly brushed my teeth and my mouth was filled with a fresh minty flavor. I crawled into bed, with only the memory of the meal I just had. Gone was the flavor of the fried chicken.

So, it made me wonder. Why mint flavored toothpaste? Why not chicken? I would much rather eat some fried chicken than have a piece of mint gum. Or roast beef, or even apple pie. Imagine going to brush your teeth and having the taste of warm homemade apple pie. At some point someone decided that mint was the flavor of fresh breath. It was probably someone that really liked mint and did just what I am suggesting. They used their favorite flavor to make a product to clean your teeth. What if that person had really liked fish? Imagine what the toothpaste industry would be like now. “Hmmm…..my teeth feel so clean, and my breath smells like salmon.”

Lets take this a step further. Candles and air fresheners. That clean smell of Lysol. What is that smell? I personally don’t care for it, but when I smell it I assume the room is clean. It is simply a signal to tell me that someone was cleaning house earlier in the day. It’s kind of like the smell of natural gas. Natural gas has no smell. That horrible odor is added to it just to protect you so you know when there is a leak.

So what would you rather smell? That clean hospital smell, or the scent of beef stew. I would opt for the beef stew any day. Nothing is better than coming home and taking in the aroma of cooking food. Sure, there are candles that smell like cookies now and pumpkin pie, but why not Thanksgiving Dinner candles. Or even Movie Theater Popcorn air fresheners? I think there is a whole untapped market here. Pick up a can of deodorizing spray, and suddenly the room smells like a fresh pot of coffee.

Cologne ,perfume and deodorant! I haven’t even mentioned that yet. You could get ready for work in the morning, leave with the taste of pepperoni pizza in your mouth, your underarms smelling like lasagna, and the fresh scent of maple syrup all over your body. Believe me, you’d be the most talked about person at the office.

Pollution

I was driving home the other day from work, a cloudy February day, listening to the radio. An “Air Quality Alert” had been issued for the day. People with breathing problems were supposed to beware, and they advised against any strenuous activities. I looked at the cars next to me as the traffic slowed to a crawl, and saw a good portion of my fellow commuters enjoying an after work cigarette. I wondered if they had heard about the alert. It would probably be a good idea for them to cut back one or two cigarettes today. I would hate to think that any heavy smoker would have trouble enjoying his lifetime habit because of the dirty air around us that day. I considered trying to take shorter breaths, to inhale less of the exhaust fumes as we passed by downtown Minneapolis, and frantically searched under my seat with one free hand for a 3M face mask that I always keep on hand for emergencies such as this.

As I drove I thought back to my childhood. Gone were the days of a heavy gray haze casting an eerie look on the tall buildings, creating awe in the mind of a small child as they passed by looking out the back window of their parents car. Now that we have been told that the haze is bad for us, we can all work ourselves into a frenzy over one more hazard in life.

I recall one of the highlights of my childhood was going with a friend and his dad in the back of his pickup, loaded with bags of trash. The pickup would travel down a small bumpy road, tossing the bags and us around in the back as we giggled and tried to hang on. You could see the black cloud rising over the hill as you approached the awesome spectacle. We would pull up to a huge pit dug in the ground. We started tossing the bags into the man made crater and looked around at the old refrigerators, furniture, and the piles of tires that were burning, creating the huge black cloud. Yes, this was the City Dump in the early 1970’s. No regulations, no rules to speak of, and plenty of carcinogens and refrigerant in the air. As we finished, I remember taking a deep breath to take in the odor of trash and burning rubber. We pulled away, once again riding in the back of the pickup, our journey completed and a childhood memory created.

As I thought of this and slowly navigated the lanes of heavy traffic, I was brought back to reality as I heard something hit my car. I looked just in time to see a chunk of soot skipping across the cars. I reached back and grabbed my spare tank of emergency oxygen and put the mask on. I cranked it up and thought how lucky we are living today.